On Sunday morning, a precocious 10-year-old girl asked me who my favorite singer is. I drew a blank. Her question intimidated me. See, for a fifth grader, she’s ridiculously hip. She’s bilingual. She break-dances. Her dad’s a musician and she performs on stage with him. Craziness. So I assumed the question was a test.
HER: Who’s your favorite singer?
ME (IN MY HEAD): I want to answer with either someone she knows or who is worth knowing. So I can’t list someone who isn’t 10-year-old-friendly. Nor do I want to pick someone too mainstream. In case she’s a music snob. Hmm….
ME (OUT LOUD): I don’t know. One of my favorites is probably Brooke Fraser.
ME (IN MY HEAD): Demi Lovato likes Brooke Fraser. So it’s an easy link to the Jonas Brothers. Please, God, don’t make me have to go there. And why do I know who Demi Lovato is?!
HER: I’ve never heard of her. I like Justin Bieber. He’s cute.
ME (OUT LOUD): He’s too old for you.
I told someone that Justin Bieber is TOO OLD! Sheesh.
I have nothing against young talent. I’m still proud of Hanson for having written “MmmBop” when they were, like, toddlers. It’s a solid pop song. And they could/can play live, something many of today’s young chart-toppers cannot do. But in 2010, success is not proportional to talent. The marketing-to-teenyboppers machine is out of control. If you’re adorable and can hold a guitar and/or wear a hoodie well, girls will cry over you.
Justin Bieber, you may be cute, but you’re gonna need to up your game if you want to stick around. Write well. Play well. Take your cues from Taylor, not Miley. Say no to the ego.
Jonny Lang, one of my favorite blues guitarists ON THE PLANET EARTH, did this when he was 15:
You just got schooled, tweens.