Dear boy readers, you have permission to stop reading now. I’m about to write about Boob Math. And while I’m sure you would have signed up for Boob Math 101 in college, believe me, this is totally non-sexy.
Remember “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret”? There’s a lovely chant in it:
“We must, we must, we must increase our bust.”
Yep.
I’d been complaining about the condition of my bra wardrobe since the day I moved into my new apartment. Fortunately, with this new apartment came a new roommate. One who knows a thing or two about where to buy a bra. So she took me to Change.
BETH: They measure you. You’re probably wearing the wrong size.
ME: There’s not much to measure.
BETH: You’d be surprised.
Um….
If I were to visit a plastic surgeon (I wouldn’t) and discuss implants with him (I wouldn’t), and if he were to suggest a D cup, I’d probably go Chuck Norris on him.
ME (hypothetical): What the Fred Penner?! Are you trying to make me look like a porn star?!
So you can imagine my shock/disbelief when the bra woman (Let’s call her WonderBra-Woman) did her fancy boob math yesterday and brought me a 30DD bra.
ME (for real): I wear a 34A.
WONDERBRA-WOMAN: You shouldn’t.
In the course of ten minutes, I went from an A to a DD. I don’t look like a porn star. My brain is starting to make sense of boob math. And I want to share it with you. Girls, listen up.
There’s no such thing as a D cup. Or a C cup. Not independent of band size, anyway. A 34D is pretty big. A 30D is not. D just means that your bust is four inches bigger than the circumference of your chest just under your armpits. So because I’m narrow, the sizing makes sense. Apparently. That’s boob math. (I was wearing a 34 instead of a 30. THAT was the real problem.)
There’s also what my lovely roommate likes to call “boob fat.” Everyone’s bust distributes itself differently. So some people have naturally wider or higher busts than others. And your perfectly fit bra needs to accommodate that.
I’ve never had so much fun bra-shopping. Everything fit. Ladies, take my word for it, you’re wearing the wrong size. Go get fitted. NOW.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
wow. I had no idea about this! This really helps me. I feel inspired to go get fitted. Although I hate “knowing” what size I am because then I know I should wear that size. For me, that will probably mean custom fitted bras which are expensive and I am cheap. But I guess you would have to go to specific stores for your size too. If you or Beth (the reason why I now read your blog) know of any inexpensive but good bra stores that sells the not popular sizes, I’d love to know about them!
this is brilliant.
it makes me feel closer to the both of you.
boob math is SO important.
did you know i’m a 32 DD.
eek!
WORD. I got properly fitted a few years ago. Thought the Polish lady was yanking my chain. But seriously: boob math.
Suzanne, I too was worried about spending more on bras. But it’s worth it–quality bras hold their shape longer and just feel better. I don’t have as many bras as I used to, but they’re better bras. I figure I’m saving money long-term.
Lovely ladies! Boob math unites us all.
I uncomfortably forked over more money than I’d like to on bras, but figured that a good bra will make a cheap shirt look better, so it all evens out
I mean, I do wear one every day….
I shouldn’t have read on… Especially since you’re discussing my sister and bras. Those two things should never be in the same sentance as far as I’m concerned. Or not even in the same paragraph. I did read only to show my wife that I think she needs to go to the fancy bra place near our house.
Ha ha ha ha ha – Stephen, this doesn’t say ANYTHING about my bras. Merely that I (like most women) wear one…but maybe even making that connection is too much for your mind…
I agree that your wife should check out the fancy bra place. I will encourage her to do so next time I visit. She and I will discuss bras…does that weird you out?